I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
