I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
