You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
