So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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