bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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