I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
