I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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