I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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