My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
