Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
