Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
