You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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