The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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