im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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