Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
