I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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