So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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