Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
