No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
