I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
