I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
