took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
