Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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