I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
