just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
