Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
