apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Boobs speak an international language.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
