I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Randomize
