omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
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