Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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