I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
