He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
