I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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