My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
