It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Randomize
