Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
