How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
