Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
She told me I should be a condom model.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
