Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
