EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
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