I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
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