If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
