Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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