the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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