2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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