i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
