There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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