Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
