I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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