i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
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