You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
