marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
