oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
