i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
