So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Text me some of your sweat
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
